Why “relax” makes me want to throw up.

OK...confession time. I absolutely DETEST the word "relax". This is probably due to the fact that when someone uses the word in my direction it's always been preceded by "Why can't you just...". The implication being that I'm somehow inately wrong- and that my inability "to just RELAX" is the root of all vocal demons, and the only bar between me and the vocal success I've spent a lifetime working so hard for. As an energetic, driven and, yes, frenetic person, when someone tells me I just need to "calm down" or for godsake. . ."RELAX" it creates a powerful, negative, and physical response that totally works against the goal of vocal freedom and ease. My inability to find "relax" on the spot feels like failure. With my own experience in mind, a few years ago I started using the word "RELEASE" in place of "relax" with students when butting up against some troublesome tension or other. Semantics matter! Asking someone if they can "release" their jaw (or tongue, or shoulder or whatever) is empowering. It gives us permission to send energy in a definite, positive direction and to do so gradually rather than flipping a switch to a state of being that may, or may not be available to us. With a "release" state of mind, I've watched many students give themselves permission to explore parts of their body they would have just shamed otherwise. (After all, our yoga friends tell us that the issues are in our tissues). I would invite us all to consider what language we use with ourselves and our students...and why we use it. Maybe there's a more effective way. Happy Wednesday my dear Smart Singers!

#meanwhatyousay #saywhatyoumean #butdontsayitmean